Laying in bed

Why can't I be present? It's driving me nuts. All I can think about is that I'm leaving in a few days and I'm just not ready to do that. He's laying next to me right now, off in dreamland or something... And my mind is whirring. A million miles a second. This sucks. I can't think of anything else to say. This sucks this sucks this sucks.

C.

My time in Ohio is closing...

So, I've been in Ohio this entire month to be with my boyfriend. About two days ago it suddenly and overwhelmingly struck me that I'm leaving next week to go back to my life. I miss my furry boys and I miss my friends and parents... But I cried myself to sleep last night. I started before he was asleep and did my best to sound ok and suck it up until he started breathing deeply. And then I cried until I was asleep. I knew that coming here for a long time was going to mean that leaving would rip a hole through me, but I thought I'd be anxious for autonomy again. I'm not. This guy gets under my clothes, under my skin and into my veins. I absolutely adore him. Is it strange to say I look up to him in many ways? Truth.

I've managed to lose almost 4 pounds this month, maintaining my online Weight Watchers lifestyle... This is something I haven't reflected on or given myself credit for--staying the course, although moving a bit slower than at home with my own kitchen and routine, has actually been possible. I should be proud of this. I am proud of this. And my baby has been so wonderful about my food stuff; so mindful without alienating me; so loving and encouraging.

Writing about leaving is hurting my heart. I think I'll sign off for now.

C.

I can't believe my last post was a year ago. Reading it made my heart ache for a moment, because I see that I just let myself "go through the motions" without checking in with me from time to time... So easily. And here I am, writing a year later--almost. I'm in a much better place now than I was last year at this time, so in this way the time passed seems to serve as a looking glass. I'm healthier, in love again and on a month-long staycation in Ohio at my boyfriend's place. If someone had told me I'd be in this place, I may have given myself more grace last summer.

I'm thinking that I want to move forward with this blog differently than how I first began it. I began this blog as simply a weight-loss and fitness blog (and we can see how successfully that went...). The thing is, I just want to heal and grow my spirit. So, that means sometimes my energy needs to go to my weight-loss, sometimes to my thoughts, my musings, my relationship, family, work, school, career path..! I am more than one-dimentional and I recognize that focusing too much on one area of my life has grown to be quite the downfall of mine.

I am 26 years old, three months from 27.
I am 178 lbs and I'm working toward a healthy 145.
I am a mother to three beautiful furry boys: Jay, Cuse, and Stevie.
I am an older sister,
an oldest daughter,
a college student,
a best friend,
a bartender,
an ex-fiance,
a new girlfriend,
a veteran,
a Libra,
a Moderate/Conservative-Liberal,
a Minnesotan--
I'm just a girl on a journey for blanace.

C.

Sad.

It's interesting--almost every time I've posted on here in the past year has been to say "wow, I haven't posted on here in a while."

I feel like I've been going through a Season of Change for the past 15 months. Steve left me more than a year ago, we got back together last winter... he emotionally bailed again on this past Spring... I've just been on a roller coaster and I've been forced to learn how to stand up for what I deserve and desire. It's really been something.

Anyway, I'm at this crossroads again--looking at that woman in the mirror and not seeing her for what I feel like inside. I want to match. I want my insides and outsides to match, if that makes sense. I simply haven't taken care of me physically with as much zeal as I've had for my heart. Somewhere along the way, between bracing for whatever it was coming to me that I was sensing with Steve, him leaving, coming back, leaving, coming back... I just didn't have the energy or the heart to take care of my body. I miss being proud of my legs and tummy... I deserve to be again.

The past couple months, I've been picking myself back up again and steadying myself... I think I'm ready to hit the trails again. I've hired a personal trainer. I'm ready.

Ciao.

C

Clean eating...

It's amazing how connected we are to food... Check out this site, she's quite a lady promoting a personal reason she's chosen to Eat Clean!

http://cleancuisineandmore.com

Ciao!

C.

Sigh.

I'm not sure why I have a hard time keeping up with this blog. Probably because my organizational weakness + my tendency not to take care of me = neglecting this sight.

I haven't yet taken measurements, and it's because I'm currently experiencing overwhelming changes in thought about "dieting." I don't want to feed my anorexia monster by allowing her the opportunity to obsess. So, I'm holding off on the measurements for the time being--because I obsess over numbers (like weight). I've committed to Steven not to step on the scale any more that once a week, and the verbal commitment has helped thwart off obsessive behaviors of mine.

I'm currently (slowly) reading Intuitive Eating, and proceeding with caution. This book debunks every approach to being healthy I've ever taken and it's testing my commander compulsions... which I think might be good for me.

One choice I made recently was to create a forum (on FB), where I can channel my "love of food" and journey toward health. The page is called Heart Food--which means food healthy for my heart, physically and emotionally. I've finally acknowledged that my relationship with food has been unhealthy for way too long, and this re-channeling of enery, and helping others while I help myself, will be therapeutic for me. :)

Ciao.

C.

Refreshed

Dear me,

I had the most incredible weekend. I don't even know what to say about it, but this whole Pathways thing has revived me. Yesterday and the day before, I went to Pathways' optional, separate-from-the-core-training spiritual weekend, Step Beyond... So I've now graduated from the program, I'm sponsoring and watching Steven discover the man I always wished for him to embrace... and now, after this weekend, I feel like I am finally comfortable with where I'm at spiritually. Comfortable enough to move forward without confinement. I prayed with someone, for the first time that I can remember feeling it with so much of myself, I prayed. This means so much to me, because I've never felt the freedom to do that, the way I did this weekend. My life has just been such a whirlwind these past handful of months, and I feel like everything in it was building and setting me up for the exact moments I've been having since I saved myself through this program.

"I am a lovable, free, clean woman who trusts God with every little bit." ~my contract and covenant.

I... I think I'm ready to rely on God for the struggles I have had with my eating and health. I've accomplished ordering and receiving a new scale. I will weigh myself in the morning, measure myself and record, and begin my 10 days of 7am-8pm only eating. I have yet to do an OA meeting... I committed to a sleepover with Amanda on Wednesday, which is the day I want to attend an OA meeting, so I will either pick a different day, or begin that next week. I want to start building this habit, but I need to acknowledge I can't do this alone. Tomorrow, I intend to journal a prayer to God about needing him for the strength tomorrow. Little bits; I have to start trusting Him with my little bits.

Love.

C.

Sunday night

Hello. Not sure what to write right now. I haven't bought a scale yet. I was trying to find $25 of stuff on Amazon.com so I can get free shipping, but I was at a road block in my mind. But, now I have a few small Christmas ideas for people I love, so I'll go on there again. You know what? I'll stop writing right now, and order it...

And ORDERED!!

So, I've begun posting pictures of fit women inside my cupboards, but they aren't all covered. And, I just ordered my scale. I'm getting there. I ate past 8pm tonight... I'm really letting tapes in my mind overpower my judgment. I even looked at the clock before making food and thought "oh well, I'll do it tomorrow." Maybe I should frame a sign that reads "do it today..." Ok, that's on my list. I need to do that and hang it in my kitchen.

C.

Starting anew

Dear Self,

It's been so long. I know I've said this before, but there was so much going on in my life, emotionally, I just fell apart. I've been healing myself from the inside, finally, and I'm not sure... but I'd like to start again. So, hello, Blog. It's been awhile and I've missed you. More importantly, I've missed my health. I've been working so hard, for months now, on getting to know my heart and I feel more alive than I've ever been. But, one of the things that saddens me to my core is the lack of care I've spent on my health and my body. I am an outward reflection of how I care for myself... and now, for the first time, I feel like my body and my heart don't match. I don't look like I feel lovable or beautiful... I look like I gave in and gave up on me. But I don't want to look like that anymore, because I finally care about Candi. I'm struggling, yes. This is a habit I've built over decades... But I have a willing spirit; I just need to keep my willing spirit in the driver's seat now, not my inner dumbass.

I'm starting by buying a new scale. The one I've had for a few years has finally died. Well, it spits out weights like "152." Hell, if I was 152 again, this post would sound MUCH more joyful. I don't think I want a digital one... seems like their lives are awfully short. I'm looking on Amazon.com right now. Hmmm... Another thing I'd like is a weight rack. I have all these weights, but they're just in a pile on the floor. Hmm... Ok, here's the plan, I will reward myself with a small gift (yoga/running pants or weight rack for my dumbbells) whenI have completed this [entire] short list of tasks:

1. Purchase new scale. Report purchase on this blog.
2. Measure dimensions and record on here.
3. Once I receive the new scale, record "new" starting weight.
4. Attend an OA meeting. Report attendence on here.
5. For each evening I eat only between the hours of 7am-8:30pm, I earn a "bean" in my "health jar." Goal: 10 days/beans; report on this blog. Once reached, begin new goal.
6. Hang pictures of in-shape women on the insides of my cabinets.

I think this is a good starter list. I get a reward once I finish it, so that's good. Really good. Better than sheer willpower alone.

Love.
C.

Full

Here I am! I meant to write sooner than now. I've been eating (almost exclusively) Simply Fit Meals for a few weeks now. I'm noticing differences that are encouraging. First of all, I weigh 172.8. What did I start at? That's 12 lbs since I began this blog. That's about 14.5 lbs since a few weeks before I started this. So that's good; and it's been a good and healthy pace too - which is super important to me. Little things I'm noticing are things like: my pants aren't as snug, my rings slide more easily off my fingers (instead of being stuck in place like they used to be), and a couple people have commented on my changing size.

Today was the first time I felt like I really struggled with my Simply Fit Meals. I just didn't have an appetite this morning; I didn't finish all of my breakfast, but I decided to have my glass of milk too. I ate my whole lunch (love the pita sandwich). Then, when I got home (a bit early today: 430pm), I have some hummus and veggies for a snack. Then I decided I still wanted food, so I ate the chicken kabob and quinoa meal. WTF! Way too much food at one sitting. The good thing is that I didn't eat more than I am supposed to each day... but I did have another glass of skim milk. So I'm probably about 130 calories over. I'll even it out tomorrow...

Well, I'm going to sign off now. I have lots to do before tomorrow.

Xo!
Candi

I'm back...

So... it's been a while since I've been on here. Over a month. I realize I went from 100% to 0% in a matter of days, but I intend to start anew. I don't want to make excuses, but I was going through one of the most emotionally traumatic experiences I have ever been through. Those who know me know what happened. Because I'm working through it, and other buried experiences I've been through, with my friends, through counseling, through Pathways (soon!)... I will not be discussing the reason I signed off for a while. It's too personal.

Anyway, many things in my life have changed (clearly) - but I'm referring to fitness. Along with my period of withdrawal from this blog, I stopped eating, stopped working out, stopped sleeping. I lost 13 pounds; I was down to 172 at some point. I was dizzy, had headaches, cried a lot, smoked cigarettes a lot, and then... to make it all worse: I fell at an Army function down a couple cement stairs, jammed my right big toe so hard it snapped, and tore a couple ligaments pretty bad in my left ankle. I've been healing for almost 3 weeks; still limping, but it's getting there. So - I haven't done Cross Fit; first, out of an emotional response to a painful shift in my life, and second, due to my injury.

Now, some positive things! I recently began a nutrition program with Simply Fit Meals. It's a new business here in Austin, and it's AWESOME. Now, I don't need to plan, cook, count calories, measure portions... Why? They do it for me. They deliver my meals twice a week, proportioned, all organic, cooked, fresh, never frozen. It is truly so tasty, I can't even describe it. I've only been on the plan for a couple days, but I've already noticed changes. I feel... happier. I don't know if it's the food, or the support from my friends and chain of command - but I feel happier. And, my digestion has been better. Won't go into detail... but I physically feel better! I am still struggling with falling/staying asleep, but perhaps this food will help that.

Also, I had a session with Laura, a nutritionist from Simply Fit. She talked about my habits, my goals, my motivations, etc. We figured out how much I should be eating with an immobile lifestyle (right now): 1300-1400 calories per day. Yes, I'm going to start incorporating some exercises, but at least I know what I'm allowed on my most lazy day. And, she said she's going to stick with me through my health journey. This is too awesome, and so encouraging. I finally admitted to myself that I need accountability. Now, between this blog, my Murr's, CPT Conner, and Laura - I'll have just that.

Ok, Blog... we're caught up, for the most part. I'm leaving for Pathways tomorrow, and the plan is take my meals with me in my little lunch box coolers. I'm going with Amanda and Johnson - so I'll have that support system to give me enough confidence to tell other people "yeah, I brought my own organic, healthy food." Eventually, I'll get used to mentioning it.

Oh, I thought of one more thing: I have made the decision to fast from cheese and cheese-flavored foods. Now, I understand the connotation that is often drawn from the word "fast." That's ok. I used to have an aversion to the word, and honestly, I still have a physical reaction to the word. Regardless, I'm fasting from my single FAVORITE food and flavor in the world. Yes, this is religiously motivated. I have done some soul-searching and discovered that a sin I struggle very much with is gluttony. I have suffered physically and emotionally from the consequences. I realize gluttony's only means is not only through eating, but it is largely for me. On June 1st I began this fast, with the ultimate goal of experiencing discipline and learning to recognize and combat a struggle I have in my life.

Whew. Now we're all caught up. Blog, I'll talk with you this weekend, if I'm able to while I'm at Pathways.

Good night!

...

I have been away from this blog for a few days now. I'm going through an incredibly difficult time in my life. I meant to post my successful WOD from Thursday, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Friday, I was prepared for M day (major cardio; M does not stand for major, though), but I ended up needing to leave the office to take some personal time. I have been struggling too much to go to the gym or really eat anything at all; too nauseated. In the back of my mind, I'm afraid to lose any progress I've made, but I won't be strong enough to do a workout without anything in my system. Anyway, Blog, I'll come back soon.

C.

Wednesday...

So, I took the day off from working out today (so sore); but you know what? I'm not UNBEARABLY sore, which surprises me. Don't get me wrong, I'm stiff, but not wobbly, which I appreciate.

Breakfast: 1/2c cottage cheese. I should've eaten something else too, but I ran out of time.
Snack: carrots.
Lunch: Salad w/cherry tomatoes, feta cheese, lite Caesar yogurt dressing; sandwhich - multi grain bread, deli chicken, tomato slices
Snack: 1/2c cottage cheese. Mmmmmm.... I love it.
Dinner: home-made enchiladas! 3 corn tortillas, cubed steak w/canned chiles, fat free sour cream, salsa verde, chopped tomatoes, chopped onions; skim milk.
Pre-bed snack: Cpt. C suggested I have one serving of Muscle Milk Lite before bed, so I just prepared it, and I'll be drinking it before I lay down.
H20 intake: 42oz. Ugh. Bad bad.

I'm pretty excited for tomorrow; my battle buddy comes back to work after an issue that happened a month ago with his orders. It'll be nice to have him back. Yay Murr! Hope he remembers his PTs, because I'm making him do a WOD with us. Mwuahahahaha!

So yesterday we were all emailing about what kind of bodies, abs, etc. we wish to have one day. For a while now, I've admire Jamie Eason's body (though, I'm a little disappointed to see some of the type of pictures she's done...). When I was deployed, I remember Bifulk telling me "Berge. You could totally look like her if you wanted. Look how athletic, broad shouldered, and short she is? And she's got an amazing body. You could do that." Well, it sticks out in my head. Cpt. C made a good point though, when I sent him a picture of her to show him what I wish for one day. He said she's probably that cut because all she eats is, like, "Coller 1" (for you Tosca Reno followers, you'll know what that is). Which really isn't healthy and she probably doesn't always look so cut; that's her "fitness competition" body. Anyway, I'd love it. Anyway, I'd really like to look similar though. Muscular, like her picture above.

Night!
C.

5/11//10

I should've posted yesterday, but I didn't. OOPS!

Breakfast: 1 serving turkey breakfast sausage w/ egg white, wrapped in low carb tortilla.
Snack: nothing. Oops.
Lunch: Healthy Steamer meal: turkey, gravy, green beans, fruity thing w/oatmeal.
Snack: 2 Fresco Tacos off the Taco Bell healthy menu.
Dinner: Ugh. I had dinner at the Murr house; Stouffer's chicken lasagna, green beans, glass of non-alcoholic wine, water. I was rather good about my portions. I asked Murr to smack me if I tried to over-eat. Lol.
Snack: I ate this WAY too late... I had a bowl of popcorn in bed, watching Friends. Damnit. I need to stop that. It's a bunch of calories (not even good ones) that I'm sleeping on, and then I wonder why my weight has plateaued.
H20 intake: KUDOS TO ME! I had 82oz!!! Peed all day long...
Workout:
Started with 1/4 mile job to warm up, then....
Nasty WOD!
7 rounds for time:
10 incline pushups (after 3 rounds, Cpt. C. bumped me to 7 of each set for all activities)
10 squat cleans with 20 lb. medicine ball. (moved to 7 after 3 rounds)
10 RR's (moved to 7 after 3 rounds)
Time: 25:15.

I'm so excited - I've never done incline pushups EVER, and I totally did 58. Some sets were broken up, yes, but I did it. So pumped about that.

Xo.

Monday

Well, I need to admit that yesterday was pretty much the worst eating day I've had since I began this whole blog. I just... well, I just basically said f- it. I don't know why. I had Italian food with Steve and, though it wasn't the worst food ever, I basically threw the food guidelines I've been following out the window. To make it worst I didn't eat often enough, I overate when I did eat, and I ate TONS of popcorn late at night, in bed. Pretty much the worst combination ever.

Today, I remembered all the reasons I began this to begin with... And, Cpt. C's post was ringing in my head. I have made some serious improvements that I shouldn't forget about. So, this morning, I jumped on the Zone website, calculated my stats... and had a moment of shocked sadness. But, thankfully, I feel more powered to attack my goals, instead of getting down about my stats. Here's what I found out: according to the Zone, I have 43% body fat... a stark difference than what the Army says. I think what I'd feel most comfortable with is seeing what percentage I'm at with a caliper (sp?) test... Anyway, still. Freaked me out to see that number. Here, take a look at the stats:
Body fat: 43%
Body fat: 77 lbs
Lean body mass: 103 lbs
Daily protein requirements: 77 g
Or # of protein blocks: 11
# blocks of carbohydrates: 11
# blocks of fat: 11

Ok, so I'm still learning about what a block is... I don't yet completely understand how my food intake is supposed to be broken up.

Recorded weight: 180.0
Breakfast: Protein shake. Whey protein.
Snack: nothing. Oops. Re: I lit the bag of popcorn on fire... so, I had no snack...
Lunch: Healthy Start Steamer meal. It was good. Right after the WOD.
Snack: 1/2 cup leftover lentil/chicken/spicy concoction still in the fridge that needed to be eaten; a low carb tortilla with ham, onion, spinach, green pepper, little bit of vinegar and lite ranch.
Dinner: super lean beef hamburger (size of my palm), flat low carb bun, 2tbs guacamole for the "mayo," sauteed onions and mushrooms; salad w/1tbs lite ranch. Water.
H20 intake: 40 oz. Damnit.
Workout: Cpt. C's WOD creation:
1/4 mile jog warm-up
Then, as many rounds in 20 min. of:
5 RRs
10PUs
15squats
1, then 2, 3, 4,.... KB Swings.
~I got through 11.25 rounds. :)

Xo.

Saturday...ouch day...

Ok, so I had a friend over last night and yesterday for whatever reason, even though I still made relatively healthy choices, I sort of just ignored the portion thing and the fact that eating popcorn at 11pm while watching a movie isn't a good idea. I have to be honest... I'm a little discouraged. It started this morning... I stepped on the scale (yes, I know it isn't Monday yet... but actually, I've been stepping on it everyday...) and today my weight had spiked to 182. I don't know how in the hell I gained just over 2 pounds, but WTF. I have been a little down all day. Actually, at first I told myself not to pay any attention to it, and I went about my day like normal. I made Jenna and me a healthy breakfast (I'll 1/2 it to document what I personally ate)...
Breakfast: 1 serving of turkey breakfast sausage, browned, with onion and tomato and about 3-4 egg whites (I say "about" because my egg whites come from that egg-white carton). Coffee.

But... well, then we walked around S. Congress, looked at some of the shops, etc. Today, I'm struggling to even walk normal which actually began to irritate me a little. It began to feel embarrassing and hindering. I wanted to actually walk, but I couldn't very well, and any incline or decline sent my thighs screaming. We finally called it quits and began looking for somewhere to eat. We were going to go to Annie's downtown and get salad and soup, but after 20 min of trying to find somewhere to park, we gave up. We headed to the triangle and ended up at Mandola's. See, a couple weeks ago, I turned Steve down for a night at Mandola's, because I didn't think I would find anything healthy. Well, I figured, Jenna wanted to try it and maybe this could be a practice-round for me to find SOMETHING healthy on an Italian menu. After combating every natural instinct I had to order the most disgustingly tasty thing on the menu, I decided on simple spaghetti w/grilled chicken. I even asked them not to add the "touch" of cream to it (but they couldn't honor that...). I was pretty proud of myself for the ultimately smartest choice. Anyway, our food comes and it's not, what I thought, spaghetti was.
Lunch: In fact, is was spaghetti NOODLES, with grilled chicken (so far, ok), with egg sauce? WTF?, and prosciutto,, and scallions. Wow. It was too tasty to be very healthy; plus it seemed creamy... which I know isn't ever good. So, I decided to eat half and bring it home to Steve. I was a little discouraged that, what I thought was a sound decision, sort of didn't work out. But, I then ate 1.5 rosemary focaccia bread squares with some olive oil. Why? I don't know. I felt sort of like... so discouraged that I didn't care. I'm glad I halved the meal, but the bread and oil? WTF. I'm so upset at myself. And furthermore, I'm too damn sore to even execute any kind of exercise.

Steve and I are supposed to go on a date tonight; it's been a while since we did. So, in a little bit we're going to Perla's on S. Congress for seafood. I will eat healthy. I swear it. I have to. I'm just so down about my efforts. I know I should focus on the physical improvement... but I find myself honing-in on the weight. I was reading in my Oxygen magazine that some trainers suggest "getting rid" of the scale for a while. I don't know. I feel like... how can I know if I'm working toward a healthy weight? Yes, I can do measurements... but ugh! What about the weight? Maybe I can ask Steve to support me by hiding the scale, and every 2 weeks un-hiding it for me? I feel like I just can't risk this "slave-to-the-scale" BS anymore, which only discourages me. Also, this begs the question... why am I not really losing weight? It's been almost a month. I would think that I should be doing better than 2 net lbs. Then again... It's not Monday yet... But, I've never lost this slowly. Ever. When I was doing Weight Watchers late last year, I dropped quicker. Then again, I was not working out at all... Ugh. I'm just pissed off right now. I think I need to read my Zone Diet book, like Cpt. C suggested.

Anyway... signing off.

Damn Cpt. C.

So, yesterday afternoon I was just starting to feel the pain from Thursday's WOD. But, I thought it'd be fun to try out another one, this one containing some cardio (which is what I really need!). "And hence" I got at it:

Workout:
3 rounds for time:
1/4 mi run
10 sandbag get-ups (after first round, adjusted to 15lb dumbbell)
10 burpees
Time: 18:22 (I think... I know it was 18 something... I believe this was it)

Sounds rather simple, huh? That's what my over-achieving self thought. And then I watched the first round of comrades do it. Seriously, I had pre-PT test anxiety (icky tummy) by the time it was my turn to begin. This was truly one of the most taxing things I've done in a while. Wow.
Friday's food:
Breakfast: bagel thin sandwich - 2 slices black forest ham, 1tbs lite mayo, tomato slices.
Snack: 260-cal frozen steamer lunch (healthy choice) - pasta, chicken, broccoli, tomato sauce.
Lunch: 200-cal salisbury steak and asparagus Smart One. Post-workout.
Snack: Nothing.
Dinner: 8oz cream asparagus soup from Whole Foods, tofu wrap w/carrots and spicy hummus, kale salad. I'm angry and let down about how much I ate at this sitting. Skim milk.
Snack: late-night air-popped popcorn w/white cheddar-flavored salt.
H20 intake: couldn't have been more than 36oz.

Thursday... Almost the end of the week!

Breakfast: 1/2 tortilla with leftover grilled veggies and chicken, dollop of guac. I know, not very breakfast-y, but it was leftover, healthy, and sounded good.
Snack: nothing. UGH.
Lunch: Subway again. Foot long again. I hate that I did that. I was SO hungry though. It's because I'm not eating snacks, I'm sure of it. Honey oat, black forest ham, pepperjack cheese, banana peppers, cucumbers, black olives, tomato, lettuce, lite mayo, salt, vinegar; baked lays; unsweetened iced tea.
Snack: nothing. UGH!
Dinner: Whole Foods with Michelle!! I got kale salad, a litte quinoa, a flatbread sandwich - pesto, goat cheese, roasted tomatoes - 6oz cream of asparagus (healthy kind....so good!); skim milk.
H20 intake: 48oz.

WOD:
5 rounds for time:
10 box jumps
10 wall balls
10 KB swings
10 Ring Rows (actual CF WOD calls for 10 pull-ups, but this was modified)
My time: 16:15

I only got through 10 box jumps before I had to modify the next rounds to step-ups. This box was kinda high (for me) and I couldn't master controlling the jump without sinking into a squat where my knees went over my toes. I'll get there, but I don't want to hurt myself. But WOW, this was rough!! I liked it though! What I really like about this CF stuff is that I feel so good after. It sucked, but only for a short time. And the sense of accomplishment is really awesome.

Xo.

Test #2

So, it's been three weeks since I took my last diagnostic PT test. Though I'm not yet passing, I'm super excited about the improvements. Actually, I could barely contain myself, and the first person I wanted to tell was my commander - so I rushed back to the office to tell him.

PUs: 27 (10-PU improvement!)
SUs: 47 (only 5 SU improvement)
2mi run: 23:32 (1:32 improvement)
Body fat: 33% (1% improvement!)

All in all, I increased my PT score by 36 points, which is really cool in only 3 weeks. I was seriously shocked by my PUs! I mean, I just blazed by my last number and didn't start hitting muscle failure until 8-9 past my old number. Pretty pumped. Amanda said she's going to bring her body fat caliper test so us girls can find out where we're at; that'll be much more accurate. I like that idea better than waltzing in to 24 Hour Fitness and asking some beefy stranger to do it.

Breakfast: Trail mix bar and 1/2 5-hour energy shot. I kept it really light because it was PT test day, and because my tummy was all nerves and icky feeling.
Snack: a low-cal protein bar I found in SGT Johnson's desk. :)
Lunch: Subway: 12in 9-grain honey wheat, black forest ham w/pepperjack cheese, spinach, onions, tomatoes, banana peppers, cucumbers, vinegar, salt, lite mayo. UGH! I totally talked myself into a justification for why I deserve the foot long. I just don't know how to catch myself when I'm doing that. It feels like... ingrained into me.
Snack: nothing. BAD.
Dinner: 3/4C white rice w/chicken concoction: cubed chicken, lentils, tomatoes, leftover grilled broccoli, seasoning, olive oil, 3.5tbs lite mayo (to thicken it; I didn't have yogurt), baked Brussels sprouts (side dish), skim milk. This was pretty tasty, though it was spicy - poor Steve.
H20 intake: Not so good. Like, less than 12oz. OMG, going to the kitchen right now to get more!

Xo.
C.

Home again

So, I'm going to try to keep this short, because I'm sleepy. I did a leg workout yesterday:

Workout:
3 rounds:
20 yoga ball crunches
15 leg extensions w/ 50lbs
then...
45 (sets of 15) hamstring leg curls, seated w/20 pounds
45 (sets of 15) dumbbell squats w/ 30lb dumbbell
45 (sets of 15) smith machine squats w/ 2 - 10lb weights added (I was getting wobbly leg by this time)
45 (sets of 15) dumbbell hamstring dealifts (w/2 - 20lbs weights)
45 (sets of 15) calf lifts, no added weight (just body weight) off edge of machine (just toes on maching, drop heels, lift, repeat)

Today's eating was not so good on one of my meals. I actually verbally justified it, and I have to admit, I feel guilty and icky. The worst part is, I literally was not able to workout between the early conference, then getting to the airport, then flying and getting home late. AND, I have another PT test on Tuesday, so I really shouldn't tomorrow. I may just go for a loooong walk tomorrow.

Breakfast: Special K, some breakfast potatoes (not much), and a tiny bit of scrambled egg; skim milk, OJ, coffee.
Snack: nothing. Coffee.
Lunch: "Z-Tejas" restaurant: chips and salsa, crab cheese dip, chorizo-stuffed pork tenderloin, zucchini, small piece of cornbread. I told you.. awful.
Snack: Nothing.
Dinner: Nothing.
After getting off the plane: about 1.5 cups of healthy (Michelle-made) turkey stroganoff. Didn't need the pasta though... UGH!

So, today was not good. I honestly feel icky. My tummy doesn't like me, I feel like I undid everything (which I know I didn't... the small anorexic tendencies are flaring inside me), and I feel guilty. I don't mind the little guilty feeling, but I hate some of the thoughts I have about how to "make it right." I'm just going to push past them; tomorrow's a new day.

Xo.