Hello. Not sure what to write right now. I haven't bought a scale yet. I was trying to find $25 of stuff on Amazon.com so I can get free shipping, but I was at a road block in my mind. But, now I have a few small Christmas ideas for people I love, so I'll go on there again. You know what? I'll stop writing right now, and order it...
And ORDERED!!
So, I've begun posting pictures of fit women inside my cupboards, but they aren't all covered. And, I just ordered my scale. I'm getting there. I ate past 8pm tonight... I'm really letting tapes in my mind overpower my judgment. I even looked at the clock before making food and thought "oh well, I'll do it tomorrow." Maybe I should frame a sign that reads "do it today..." Ok, that's on my list. I need to do that and hang it in my kitchen.
C.
...my pursuit of a better me...
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Starting anew
Dear Self,
It's been so long. I know I've said this before, but there was so much going on in my life, emotionally, I just fell apart. I've been healing myself from the inside, finally, and I'm not sure... but I'd like to start again. So, hello, Blog. It's been awhile and I've missed you. More importantly, I've missed my health. I've been working so hard, for months now, on getting to know my heart and I feel more alive than I've ever been. But, one of the things that saddens me to my core is the lack of care I've spent on my health and my body. I am an outward reflection of how I care for myself... and now, for the first time, I feel like my body and my heart don't match. I don't look like I feel lovable or beautiful... I look like I gave in and gave up on me. But I don't want to look like that anymore, because I finally care about Candi. I'm struggling, yes. This is a habit I've built over decades... But I have a willing spirit; I just need to keep my willing spirit in the driver's seat now, not my inner dumbass.
I'm starting by buying a new scale. The one I've had for a few years has finally died. Well, it spits out weights like "152." Hell, if I was 152 again, this post would sound MUCH more joyful. I don't think I want a digital one... seems like their lives are awfully short. I'm looking on Amazon.com right now. Hmmm... Another thing I'd like is a weight rack. I have all these weights, but they're just in a pile on the floor. Hmm... Ok, here's the plan, I will reward myself with a small gift (yoga/running pants or weight rack for my dumbbells) whenI have completed this [entire] short list of tasks:
1. Purchase new scale. Report purchase on this blog.
2. Measure dimensions and record on here.
3. Once I receive the new scale, record "new" starting weight.
4. Attend an OA meeting. Report attendence on here.
5. For each evening I eat only between the hours of 7am-8:30pm, I earn a "bean" in my "health jar." Goal: 10 days/beans; report on this blog. Once reached, begin new goal.
6. Hang pictures of in-shape women on the insides of my cabinets.
I think this is a good starter list. I get a reward once I finish it, so that's good. Really good. Better than sheer willpower alone.
Love.
C.
It's been so long. I know I've said this before, but there was so much going on in my life, emotionally, I just fell apart. I've been healing myself from the inside, finally, and I'm not sure... but I'd like to start again. So, hello, Blog. It's been awhile and I've missed you. More importantly, I've missed my health. I've been working so hard, for months now, on getting to know my heart and I feel more alive than I've ever been. But, one of the things that saddens me to my core is the lack of care I've spent on my health and my body. I am an outward reflection of how I care for myself... and now, for the first time, I feel like my body and my heart don't match. I don't look like I feel lovable or beautiful... I look like I gave in and gave up on me. But I don't want to look like that anymore, because I finally care about Candi. I'm struggling, yes. This is a habit I've built over decades... But I have a willing spirit; I just need to keep my willing spirit in the driver's seat now, not my inner dumbass.
I'm starting by buying a new scale. The one I've had for a few years has finally died. Well, it spits out weights like "152." Hell, if I was 152 again, this post would sound MUCH more joyful. I don't think I want a digital one... seems like their lives are awfully short. I'm looking on Amazon.com right now. Hmmm... Another thing I'd like is a weight rack. I have all these weights, but they're just in a pile on the floor. Hmm... Ok, here's the plan, I will reward myself with a small gift (yoga/running pants or weight rack for my dumbbells) whenI have completed this [entire] short list of tasks:
1. Purchase new scale. Report purchase on this blog.
2. Measure dimensions and record on here.
3. Once I receive the new scale, record "new" starting weight.
4. Attend an OA meeting. Report attendence on here.
5. For each evening I eat only between the hours of 7am-8:30pm, I earn a "bean" in my "health jar." Goal: 10 days/beans; report on this blog. Once reached, begin new goal.
6. Hang pictures of in-shape women on the insides of my cabinets.
I think this is a good starter list. I get a reward once I finish it, so that's good. Really good. Better than sheer willpower alone.
Love.
C.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Full
Here I am! I meant to write sooner than now. I've been eating (almost exclusively) Simply Fit Meals for a few weeks now. I'm noticing differences that are encouraging. First of all, I weigh 172.8. What did I start at? That's 12 lbs since I began this blog. That's about 14.5 lbs since a few weeks before I started this. So that's good; and it's been a good and healthy pace too - which is super important to me. Little things I'm noticing are things like: my pants aren't as snug, my rings slide more easily off my fingers (instead of being stuck in place like they used to be), and a couple people have commented on my changing size.
Today was the first time I felt like I really struggled with my Simply Fit Meals. I just didn't have an appetite this morning; I didn't finish all of my breakfast, but I decided to have my glass of milk too. I ate my whole lunch (love the pita sandwich). Then, when I got home (a bit early today: 430pm), I have some hummus and veggies for a snack. Then I decided I still wanted food, so I ate the chicken kabob and quinoa meal. WTF! Way too much food at one sitting. The good thing is that I didn't eat more than I am supposed to each day... but I did have another glass of skim milk. So I'm probably about 130 calories over. I'll even it out tomorrow...
Well, I'm going to sign off now. I have lots to do before tomorrow.
Xo!
Candi
Today was the first time I felt like I really struggled with my Simply Fit Meals. I just didn't have an appetite this morning; I didn't finish all of my breakfast, but I decided to have my glass of milk too. I ate my whole lunch (love the pita sandwich). Then, when I got home (a bit early today: 430pm), I have some hummus and veggies for a snack. Then I decided I still wanted food, so I ate the chicken kabob and quinoa meal. WTF! Way too much food at one sitting. The good thing is that I didn't eat more than I am supposed to each day... but I did have another glass of skim milk. So I'm probably about 130 calories over. I'll even it out tomorrow...
Well, I'm going to sign off now. I have lots to do before tomorrow.
Xo!
Candi
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I'm back...
So... it's been a while since I've been on here. Over a month. I realize I went from 100% to 0% in a matter of days, but I intend to start anew. I don't want to make excuses, but I was going through one of the most emotionally traumatic experiences I have ever been through. Those who know me know what happened. Because I'm working through it, and other buried experiences I've been through, with my friends, through counseling, through Pathways (soon!)... I will not be discussing the reason I signed off for a while. It's too personal.
Anyway, many things in my life have changed (clearly) - but I'm referring to fitness. Along with my period of withdrawal from this blog, I stopped eating, stopped working out, stopped sleeping. I lost 13 pounds; I was down to 172 at some point. I was dizzy, had headaches, cried a lot, smoked cigarettes a lot, and then... to make it all worse: I fell at an Army function down a couple cement stairs, jammed my right big toe so hard it snapped, and tore a couple ligaments pretty bad in my left ankle. I've been healing for almost 3 weeks; still limping, but it's getting there. So - I haven't done Cross Fit; first, out of an emotional response to a painful shift in my life, and second, due to my injury.
Now, some positive things! I recently began a nutrition program with Simply Fit Meals. It's a new business here in Austin, and it's AWESOME. Now, I don't need to plan, cook, count calories, measure portions... Why? They do it for me. They deliver my meals twice a week, proportioned, all organic, cooked, fresh, never frozen. It is truly so tasty, I can't even describe it. I've only been on the plan for a couple days, but I've already noticed changes. I feel... happier. I don't know if it's the food, or the support from my friends and chain of command - but I feel happier. And, my digestion has been better. Won't go into detail... but I physically feel better! I am still struggling with falling/staying asleep, but perhaps this food will help that.
Also, I had a session with Laura, a nutritionist from Simply Fit. She talked about my habits, my goals, my motivations, etc. We figured out how much I should be eating with an immobile lifestyle (right now): 1300-1400 calories per day. Yes, I'm going to start incorporating some exercises, but at least I know what I'm allowed on my most lazy day. And, she said she's going to stick with me through my health journey. This is too awesome, and so encouraging. I finally admitted to myself that I need accountability. Now, between this blog, my Murr's, CPT Conner, and Laura - I'll have just that.
Ok, Blog... we're caught up, for the most part. I'm leaving for Pathways tomorrow, and the plan is take my meals with me in my little lunch box coolers. I'm going with Amanda and Johnson - so I'll have that support system to give me enough confidence to tell other people "yeah, I brought my own organic, healthy food." Eventually, I'll get used to mentioning it.
Oh, I thought of one more thing: I have made the decision to fast from cheese and cheese-flavored foods. Now, I understand the connotation that is often drawn from the word "fast." That's ok. I used to have an aversion to the word, and honestly, I still have a physical reaction to the word. Regardless, I'm fasting from my single FAVORITE food and flavor in the world. Yes, this is religiously motivated. I have done some soul-searching and discovered that a sin I struggle very much with is gluttony. I have suffered physically and emotionally from the consequences. I realize gluttony's only means is not only through eating, but it is largely for me. On June 1st I began this fast, with the ultimate goal of experiencing discipline and learning to recognize and combat a struggle I have in my life.
Whew. Now we're all caught up. Blog, I'll talk with you this weekend, if I'm able to while I'm at Pathways.
Good night!
Anyway, many things in my life have changed (clearly) - but I'm referring to fitness. Along with my period of withdrawal from this blog, I stopped eating, stopped working out, stopped sleeping. I lost 13 pounds; I was down to 172 at some point. I was dizzy, had headaches, cried a lot, smoked cigarettes a lot, and then... to make it all worse: I fell at an Army function down a couple cement stairs, jammed my right big toe so hard it snapped, and tore a couple ligaments pretty bad in my left ankle. I've been healing for almost 3 weeks; still limping, but it's getting there. So - I haven't done Cross Fit; first, out of an emotional response to a painful shift in my life, and second, due to my injury.
Now, some positive things! I recently began a nutrition program with Simply Fit Meals. It's a new business here in Austin, and it's AWESOME. Now, I don't need to plan, cook, count calories, measure portions... Why? They do it for me. They deliver my meals twice a week, proportioned, all organic, cooked, fresh, never frozen. It is truly so tasty, I can't even describe it. I've only been on the plan for a couple days, but I've already noticed changes. I feel... happier. I don't know if it's the food, or the support from my friends and chain of command - but I feel happier. And, my digestion has been better. Won't go into detail... but I physically feel better! I am still struggling with falling/staying asleep, but perhaps this food will help that.
Also, I had a session with Laura, a nutritionist from Simply Fit. She talked about my habits, my goals, my motivations, etc. We figured out how much I should be eating with an immobile lifestyle (right now): 1300-1400 calories per day. Yes, I'm going to start incorporating some exercises, but at least I know what I'm allowed on my most lazy day. And, she said she's going to stick with me through my health journey. This is too awesome, and so encouraging. I finally admitted to myself that I need accountability. Now, between this blog, my Murr's, CPT Conner, and Laura - I'll have just that.
Ok, Blog... we're caught up, for the most part. I'm leaving for Pathways tomorrow, and the plan is take my meals with me in my little lunch box coolers. I'm going with Amanda and Johnson - so I'll have that support system to give me enough confidence to tell other people "yeah, I brought my own organic, healthy food." Eventually, I'll get used to mentioning it.
Oh, I thought of one more thing: I have made the decision to fast from cheese and cheese-flavored foods. Now, I understand the connotation that is often drawn from the word "fast." That's ok. I used to have an aversion to the word, and honestly, I still have a physical reaction to the word. Regardless, I'm fasting from my single FAVORITE food and flavor in the world. Yes, this is religiously motivated. I have done some soul-searching and discovered that a sin I struggle very much with is gluttony. I have suffered physically and emotionally from the consequences. I realize gluttony's only means is not only through eating, but it is largely for me. On June 1st I began this fast, with the ultimate goal of experiencing discipline and learning to recognize and combat a struggle I have in my life.
Whew. Now we're all caught up. Blog, I'll talk with you this weekend, if I'm able to while I'm at Pathways.
Good night!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
...
I have been away from this blog for a few days now. I'm going through an incredibly difficult time in my life. I meant to post my successful WOD from Thursday, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Friday, I was prepared for M day (major cardio; M does not stand for major, though), but I ended up needing to leave the office to take some personal time. I have been struggling too much to go to the gym or really eat anything at all; too nauseated. In the back of my mind, I'm afraid to lose any progress I've made, but I won't be strong enough to do a workout without anything in my system. Anyway, Blog, I'll come back soon.
C.
C.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Wednesday...
So, I took the day off from working out today (so sore); but you know what? I'm not UNBEARABLY sore, which surprises me. Don't get me wrong, I'm stiff, but not wobbly, which I appreciate.
Breakfast: 1/2c cottage cheese. I should've eaten something else too, but I ran out of time.
Snack: carrots.
Lunch: Salad w/cherry tomatoes, feta cheese, lite Caesar yogurt dressing; sandwhich - multi grain bread, deli chicken, tomato slices
Snack: 1/2c cottage cheese. Mmmmmm.... I love it.
Dinner: home-made enchiladas! 3 corn tortillas, cubed steak w/canned chiles, fat free sour cream, salsa verde, chopped tomatoes, chopped onions; skim milk.
Pre-bed snack: Cpt. C suggested I have one serving of Muscle Milk Lite before bed, so I just prepared it, and I'll be drinking it before I lay down.
H20 intake: 42oz. Ugh. Bad bad.
I'm pretty excited for tomorrow; my battle buddy comes back to work after an issue that happened a month ago with his orders. It'll be nice to have him back. Yay Murr! Hope he remembers his PTs, because I'm making him do a WOD with us. Mwuahahahaha!
So yesterday we were all emailing about what kind of bodies, abs, etc. we wish to have one day. For a while now, I've admire Jamie Eason's body (though, I'm a little disappointed to see some of the type of pictures she's done...). When I was deployed, I remember Bifulk telling me "Berge. You could totally look like her if you wanted. Look how athletic, broad shouldered, and short she is? And she's got an amazing body. You could do that." Well, it sticks out in my head. Cpt. C made a good point though, when I sent him a picture of her to show him what I wish for one day. He said she's probably that cut because all she eats is, like, "Coller 1" (for you Tosca Reno followers, you'll know what that is). Which really isn't healthy and she probably doesn't always look so cut; that's her "fitness competition" body. Anyway, I'd love it. Anyway, I'd really like to look similar though. Muscular, like her picture above.
Night!
C.
5/11//10
I should've posted yesterday, but I didn't. OOPS!
Breakfast: 1 serving turkey breakfast sausage w/ egg white, wrapped in low carb tortilla.
Snack: nothing. Oops.
Lunch: Healthy Steamer meal: turkey, gravy, green beans, fruity thing w/oatmeal.
Snack: 2 Fresco Tacos off the Taco Bell healthy menu.
Dinner: Ugh. I had dinner at the Murr house; Stouffer's chicken lasagna, green beans, glass of non-alcoholic wine, water. I was rather good about my portions. I asked Murr to smack me if I tried to over-eat. Lol.
Snack: I ate this WAY too late... I had a bowl of popcorn in bed, watching Friends. Damnit. I need to stop that. It's a bunch of calories (not even good ones) that I'm sleeping on, and then I wonder why my weight has plateaued.
H20 intake: KUDOS TO ME! I had 82oz!!! Peed all day long...
Workout:
Started with 1/4 mile job to warm up, then....
Nasty WOD!
7 rounds for time:
10 incline pushups (after 3 rounds, Cpt. C. bumped me to 7 of each set for all activities)
10 squat cleans with 20 lb. medicine ball. (moved to 7 after 3 rounds)
10 RR's (moved to 7 after 3 rounds)
Time: 25:15.
I'm so excited - I've never done incline pushups EVER, and I totally did 58. Some sets were broken up, yes, but I did it. So pumped about that.
Xo.
Breakfast: 1 serving turkey breakfast sausage w/ egg white, wrapped in low carb tortilla.
Snack: nothing. Oops.
Lunch: Healthy Steamer meal: turkey, gravy, green beans, fruity thing w/oatmeal.
Snack: 2 Fresco Tacos off the Taco Bell healthy menu.
Dinner: Ugh. I had dinner at the Murr house; Stouffer's chicken lasagna, green beans, glass of non-alcoholic wine, water. I was rather good about my portions. I asked Murr to smack me if I tried to over-eat. Lol.
Snack: I ate this WAY too late... I had a bowl of popcorn in bed, watching Friends. Damnit. I need to stop that. It's a bunch of calories (not even good ones) that I'm sleeping on, and then I wonder why my weight has plateaued.
H20 intake: KUDOS TO ME! I had 82oz!!! Peed all day long...
Workout:
Started with 1/4 mile job to warm up, then....
Nasty WOD!
7 rounds for time:
10 incline pushups (after 3 rounds, Cpt. C. bumped me to 7 of each set for all activities)
10 squat cleans with 20 lb. medicine ball. (moved to 7 after 3 rounds)
10 RR's (moved to 7 after 3 rounds)
Time: 25:15.
I'm so excited - I've never done incline pushups EVER, and I totally did 58. Some sets were broken up, yes, but I did it. So pumped about that.
Xo.
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