...my pursuit of a better me...

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I'm back...

So... it's been a while since I've been on here. Over a month. I realize I went from 100% to 0% in a matter of days, but I intend to start anew. I don't want to make excuses, but I was going through one of the most emotionally traumatic experiences I have ever been through. Those who know me know what happened. Because I'm working through it, and other buried experiences I've been through, with my friends, through counseling, through Pathways (soon!)... I will not be discussing the reason I signed off for a while. It's too personal.

Anyway, many things in my life have changed (clearly) - but I'm referring to fitness. Along with my period of withdrawal from this blog, I stopped eating, stopped working out, stopped sleeping. I lost 13 pounds; I was down to 172 at some point. I was dizzy, had headaches, cried a lot, smoked cigarettes a lot, and then... to make it all worse: I fell at an Army function down a couple cement stairs, jammed my right big toe so hard it snapped, and tore a couple ligaments pretty bad in my left ankle. I've been healing for almost 3 weeks; still limping, but it's getting there. So - I haven't done Cross Fit; first, out of an emotional response to a painful shift in my life, and second, due to my injury.

Now, some positive things! I recently began a nutrition program with Simply Fit Meals. It's a new business here in Austin, and it's AWESOME. Now, I don't need to plan, cook, count calories, measure portions... Why? They do it for me. They deliver my meals twice a week, proportioned, all organic, cooked, fresh, never frozen. It is truly so tasty, I can't even describe it. I've only been on the plan for a couple days, but I've already noticed changes. I feel... happier. I don't know if it's the food, or the support from my friends and chain of command - but I feel happier. And, my digestion has been better. Won't go into detail... but I physically feel better! I am still struggling with falling/staying asleep, but perhaps this food will help that.

Also, I had a session with Laura, a nutritionist from Simply Fit. She talked about my habits, my goals, my motivations, etc. We figured out how much I should be eating with an immobile lifestyle (right now): 1300-1400 calories per day. Yes, I'm going to start incorporating some exercises, but at least I know what I'm allowed on my most lazy day. And, she said she's going to stick with me through my health journey. This is too awesome, and so encouraging. I finally admitted to myself that I need accountability. Now, between this blog, my Murr's, CPT Conner, and Laura - I'll have just that.

Ok, Blog... we're caught up, for the most part. I'm leaving for Pathways tomorrow, and the plan is take my meals with me in my little lunch box coolers. I'm going with Amanda and Johnson - so I'll have that support system to give me enough confidence to tell other people "yeah, I brought my own organic, healthy food." Eventually, I'll get used to mentioning it.

Oh, I thought of one more thing: I have made the decision to fast from cheese and cheese-flavored foods. Now, I understand the connotation that is often drawn from the word "fast." That's ok. I used to have an aversion to the word, and honestly, I still have a physical reaction to the word. Regardless, I'm fasting from my single FAVORITE food and flavor in the world. Yes, this is religiously motivated. I have done some soul-searching and discovered that a sin I struggle very much with is gluttony. I have suffered physically and emotionally from the consequences. I realize gluttony's only means is not only through eating, but it is largely for me. On June 1st I began this fast, with the ultimate goal of experiencing discipline and learning to recognize and combat a struggle I have in my life.

Whew. Now we're all caught up. Blog, I'll talk with you this weekend, if I'm able to while I'm at Pathways.

Good night!

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