...my pursuit of a better me...

Sunday, May 16, 2010


I have been away from this blog for a few days now. I'm going through an incredibly difficult time in my life. I meant to post my successful WOD from Thursday, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Friday, I was prepared for M day (major cardio; M does not stand for major, though), but I ended up needing to leave the office to take some personal time. I have been struggling too much to go to the gym or really eat anything at all; too nauseated. In the back of my mind, I'm afraid to lose any progress I've made, but I won't be strong enough to do a workout without anything in my system. Anyway, Blog, I'll come back soon.


Wednesday, May 12, 2010


So, I took the day off from working out today (so sore); but you know what? I'm not UNBEARABLY sore, which surprises me. Don't get me wrong, I'm stiff, but not wobbly, which I appreciate.

Breakfast: 1/2c cottage cheese. I should've eaten something else too, but I ran out of time.
Snack: carrots.
Lunch: Salad w/cherry tomatoes, feta cheese, lite Caesar yogurt dressing; sandwhich - multi grain bread, deli chicken, tomato slices
Snack: 1/2c cottage cheese. Mmmmmm.... I love it.
Dinner: home-made enchiladas! 3 corn tortillas, cubed steak w/canned chiles, fat free sour cream, salsa verde, chopped tomatoes, chopped onions; skim milk.
Pre-bed snack: Cpt. C suggested I have one serving of Muscle Milk Lite before bed, so I just prepared it, and I'll be drinking it before I lay down.
H20 intake: 42oz. Ugh. Bad bad.

I'm pretty excited for tomorrow; my battle buddy comes back to work after an issue that happened a month ago with his orders. It'll be nice to have him back. Yay Murr! Hope he remembers his PTs, because I'm making him do a WOD with us. Mwuahahahaha!

So yesterday we were all emailing about what kind of bodies, abs, etc. we wish to have one day. For a while now, I've admire Jamie Eason's body (though, I'm a little disappointed to see some of the type of pictures she's done...). When I was deployed, I remember Bifulk telling me "Berge. You could totally look like her if you wanted. Look how athletic, broad shouldered, and short she is? And she's got an amazing body. You could do that." Well, it sticks out in my head. Cpt. C made a good point though, when I sent him a picture of her to show him what I wish for one day. He said she's probably that cut because all she eats is, like, "Coller 1" (for you Tosca Reno followers, you'll know what that is). Which really isn't healthy and she probably doesn't always look so cut; that's her "fitness competition" body. Anyway, I'd love it. Anyway, I'd really like to look similar though. Muscular, like her picture above.




I should've posted yesterday, but I didn't. OOPS!

Breakfast: 1 serving turkey breakfast sausage w/ egg white, wrapped in low carb tortilla.
Snack: nothing. Oops.
Lunch: Healthy Steamer meal: turkey, gravy, green beans, fruity thing w/oatmeal.
Snack: 2 Fresco Tacos off the Taco Bell healthy menu.
Dinner: Ugh. I had dinner at the Murr house; Stouffer's chicken lasagna, green beans, glass of non-alcoholic wine, water. I was rather good about my portions. I asked Murr to smack me if I tried to over-eat. Lol.
Snack: I ate this WAY too late... I had a bowl of popcorn in bed, watching Friends. Damnit. I need to stop that. It's a bunch of calories (not even good ones) that I'm sleeping on, and then I wonder why my weight has plateaued.
H20 intake: KUDOS TO ME! I had 82oz!!! Peed all day long...
Started with 1/4 mile job to warm up, then....
Nasty WOD!

7 rounds for time:
10 incline pushups (after 3 rounds, Cpt. C. bumped me to 7 of each set for all activities)
10 squat cleans with 20 lb. medicine ball. (moved to 7 after 3 rounds)
10 RR's (moved to 7 after 3 rounds)
Time: 25:15.

I'm so excited - I've never done incline pushups EVER, and I totally did 58. Some sets were broken up, yes, but I did it. So pumped about that.


Monday, May 10, 2010


Well, I need to admit that yesterday was pretty much the worst eating day I've had since I began this whole blog. I just... well, I just basically said f- it. I don't know why. I had Italian food with Steve and, though it wasn't the worst food ever, I basically threw the food guidelines I've been following out the window. To make it worst I didn't eat often enough, I overate when I did eat, and I ate TONS of popcorn late at night, in bed. Pretty much the worst combination ever.

Today, I remembered all the reasons I began this to begin with... And, Cpt. C's post was ringing in my head. I have made some serious improvements that I shouldn't forget about. So, this morning, I jumped on the Zone website, calculated my stats... and had a moment of shocked sadness. But, thankfully, I feel more powered to attack my goals, instead of getting down about my stats. Here's what I found out: according to the Zone, I have 43% body fat... a stark difference than what the Army says. I think what I'd feel most comfortable with is seeing what percentage I'm at with a caliper (sp?) test... Anyway, still. Freaked me out to see that number. Here, take a look at the stats:
Body fat: 43%
Body fat: 77 lbs
Lean body mass: 103 lbs
Daily protein requirements: 77 g
Or # of protein blocks: 11
# blocks of carbohydrates: 11
# blocks of fat: 11

Ok, so I'm still learning about what a block is... I don't yet completely understand how my food intake is supposed to be broken up.

Recorded weight: 180.0
Breakfast: Protein shake. Whey protein.
Snack: nothing. Oops. Re: I lit the bag of popcorn on fire... so, I had no snack...
Lunch: Healthy Start Steamer meal. It was good. Right after the WOD.
Snack: 1/2 cup leftover lentil/chicken/spicy concoction still in the fridge that needed to be eaten; a low carb tortilla with ham, onion, spinach, green pepper, little bit of vinegar and lite ranch.
Dinner: super lean beef hamburger (size of my palm), flat low carb bun, 2tbs guacamole for the "mayo," sauteed onions and mushrooms; salad w/1tbs lite ranch. Water.
H20 intake: 40 oz. Damnit.
Workout: Cpt. C's WOD creation:
1/4 mile jog warm-up
Then, as many rounds in 20 min. of:
5 RRs
1, then 2, 3, 4,.... KB Swings.
~I got through 11.25 rounds. :)


Saturday, May 8, 2010

Saturday...ouch day...

Ok, so I had a friend over last night and yesterday for whatever reason, even though I still made relatively healthy choices, I sort of just ignored the portion thing and the fact that eating popcorn at 11pm while watching a movie isn't a good idea. I have to be honest... I'm a little discouraged. It started this morning... I stepped on the scale (yes, I know it isn't Monday yet... but actually, I've been stepping on it everyday...) and today my weight had spiked to 182. I don't know how in the hell I gained just over 2 pounds, but WTF. I have been a little down all day. Actually, at first I told myself not to pay any attention to it, and I went about my day like normal. I made Jenna and me a healthy breakfast (I'll 1/2 it to document what I personally ate)...
Breakfast: 1 serving of turkey breakfast sausage, browned, with onion and tomato and about 3-4 egg whites (I say "about" because my egg whites come from that egg-white carton). Coffee.

But... well, then we walked around S. Congress, looked at some of the shops, etc. Today, I'm struggling to even walk normal which actually began to irritate me a little. It began to feel embarrassing and hindering. I wanted to actually walk, but I couldn't very well, and any incline or decline sent my thighs screaming. We finally called it quits and began looking for somewhere to eat. We were going to go to Annie's downtown and get salad and soup, but after 20 min of trying to find somewhere to park, we gave up. We headed to the triangle and ended up at Mandola's. See, a couple weeks ago, I turned Steve down for a night at Mandola's, because I didn't think I would find anything healthy. Well, I figured, Jenna wanted to try it and maybe this could be a practice-round for me to find SOMETHING healthy on an Italian menu. After combating every natural instinct I had to order the most disgustingly tasty thing on the menu, I decided on simple spaghetti w/grilled chicken. I even asked them not to add the "touch" of cream to it (but they couldn't honor that...). I was pretty proud of myself for the ultimately smartest choice. Anyway, our food comes and it's not, what I thought, spaghetti was.
Lunch: In fact, is was spaghetti NOODLES, with grilled chicken (so far, ok), with egg sauce? WTF?, and prosciutto,, and scallions. Wow. It was too tasty to be very healthy; plus it seemed creamy... which I know isn't ever good. So, I decided to eat half and bring it home to Steve. I was a little discouraged that, what I thought was a sound decision, sort of didn't work out. But, I then ate 1.5 rosemary focaccia bread squares with some olive oil. Why? I don't know. I felt sort of like... so discouraged that I didn't care. I'm glad I halved the meal, but the bread and oil? WTF. I'm so upset at myself. And furthermore, I'm too damn sore to even execute any kind of exercise.

Steve and I are supposed to go on a date tonight; it's been a while since we did. So, in a little bit we're going to Perla's on S. Congress for seafood. I will eat healthy. I swear it. I have to. I'm just so down about my efforts. I know I should focus on the physical improvement... but I find myself honing-in on the weight. I was reading in my Oxygen magazine that some trainers suggest "getting rid" of the scale for a while. I don't know. I feel like... how can I know if I'm working toward a healthy weight? Yes, I can do measurements... but ugh! What about the weight? Maybe I can ask Steve to support me by hiding the scale, and every 2 weeks un-hiding it for me? I feel like I just can't risk this "slave-to-the-scale" BS anymore, which only discourages me. Also, this begs the question... why am I not really losing weight? It's been almost a month. I would think that I should be doing better than 2 net lbs. Then again... It's not Monday yet... But, I've never lost this slowly. Ever. When I was doing Weight Watchers late last year, I dropped quicker. Then again, I was not working out at all... Ugh. I'm just pissed off right now. I think I need to read my Zone Diet book, like Cpt. C suggested.

Anyway... signing off.

Damn Cpt. C.

So, yesterday afternoon I was just starting to feel the pain from Thursday's WOD. But, I thought it'd be fun to try out another one, this one containing some cardio (which is what I really need!). "And hence" I got at it:

3 rounds for time:
1/4 mi run
10 sandbag get-ups (after first round, adjusted to 15lb dumbbell)
10 burpees
Time: 18:22 (I think... I know it was 18 something... I believe this was it)

Sounds rather simple, huh? That's what my over-achieving self thought. And then I watched the first round of comrades do it. Seriously, I had pre-PT test anxiety (icky tummy) by the time it was my turn to begin. This was truly one of the most taxing things I've done in a while. Wow.
Friday's food:
Breakfast: bagel thin sandwich - 2 slices black forest ham, 1tbs lite mayo, tomato slices.
Snack: 260-cal frozen steamer lunch (healthy choice) - pasta, chicken, broccoli, tomato sauce.
Lunch: 200-cal salisbury steak and asparagus Smart One. Post-workout.
Snack: Nothing.
Dinner: 8oz cream asparagus soup from Whole Foods, tofu wrap w/carrots and spicy hummus, kale salad. I'm angry and let down about how much I ate at this sitting. Skim milk.
Snack: late-night air-popped popcorn w/white cheddar-flavored salt.
H20 intake: couldn't have been more than 36oz.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Thursday... Almost the end of the week!

Breakfast: 1/2 tortilla with leftover grilled veggies and chicken, dollop of guac. I know, not very breakfast-y, but it was leftover, healthy, and sounded good.
Snack: nothing. UGH.
Lunch: Subway again. Foot long again. I hate that I did that. I was SO hungry though. It's because I'm not eating snacks, I'm sure of it. Honey oat, black forest ham, pepperjack cheese, banana peppers, cucumbers, black olives, tomato, lettuce, lite mayo, salt, vinegar; baked lays; unsweetened iced tea.
Snack: nothing. UGH!
Dinner: Whole Foods with Michelle!! I got kale salad, a litte quinoa, a flatbread sandwich - pesto, goat cheese, roasted tomatoes - 6oz cream of asparagus (healthy kind....so good!); skim milk.
H20 intake: 48oz.

5 rounds for time:
10 box jumps
10 wall balls
10 KB swings
10 Ring Rows (actual CF WOD calls for 10 pull-ups, but this was modified)
My time: 16:15

I only got through 10 box jumps before I had to modify the next rounds to step-ups. This box was kinda high (for me) and I couldn't master controlling the jump without sinking into a squat where my knees went over my toes. I'll get there, but I don't want to hurt myself. But WOW, this was rough!! I liked it though! What I really like about this CF stuff is that I feel so good after. It sucked, but only for a short time. And the sense of accomplishment is really awesome.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Test #2

So, it's been three weeks since I took my last diagnostic PT test. Though I'm not yet passing, I'm super excited about the improvements. Actually, I could barely contain myself, and the first person I wanted to tell was my commander - so I rushed back to the office to tell him.

PUs: 27 (10-PU improvement!)
SUs: 47 (only 5 SU improvement)
2mi run: 23:32 (1:32 improvement)
Body fat: 33% (1% improvement!)

All in all, I increased my PT score by 36 points, which is really cool in only 3 weeks. I was seriously shocked by my PUs! I mean, I just blazed by my last number and didn't start hitting muscle failure until 8-9 past my old number. Pretty pumped. Amanda said she's going to bring her body fat caliper test so us girls can find out where we're at; that'll be much more accurate. I like that idea better than waltzing in to 24 Hour Fitness and asking some beefy stranger to do it.

Breakfast: Trail mix bar and 1/2 5-hour energy shot. I kept it really light because it was PT test day, and because my tummy was all nerves and icky feeling.
Snack: a low-cal protein bar I found in SGT Johnson's desk. :)
Subway: 12in 9-grain honey wheat, black forest ham w/pepperjack cheese, spinach, onions, tomatoes, banana peppers, cucumbers, vinegar, salt, lite mayo. UGH! I totally talked myself into a justification for why I deserve the foot long. I just don't know how to catch myself when I'm doing that. It feels like... ingrained into me.
Snack: nothing. BAD.
Dinner: 3/4C white rice w/chicken concoction: cubed chicken, lentils, tomatoes, leftover grilled broccoli, seasoning, olive oil, 3.5tbs lite mayo (to thicken it; I didn't have yogurt), baked Brussels sprouts (side dish), skim milk. This was pretty tasty, though it was spicy - poor Steve.
H20 intake: Not so good. Like, less than 12oz. OMG, going to the kitchen right now to get more!


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Home again

So, I'm going to try to keep this short, because I'm sleepy. I did a leg workout yesterday:

3 rounds:

20 yoga ball crunches
15 leg extensions w/ 50lbs
45 (sets of 15) hamstring leg curls, seated w/20 pounds
45 (sets of 15) dumbbell squats w/ 30lb dumbbell
45 (sets of 15) smith machine squats w/ 2 - 10lb weights added (I was getting wobbly leg by this time)
45 (sets of 15) dumbbell hamstring dealifts (w/2 - 20lbs weights)
45 (sets of 15) calf lifts, no added weight (just body weight) off edge of machine (just toes on maching, drop heels, lift, repeat)

Today's eating was not so good on one of my meals. I actually verbally justified it, and I have to admit, I feel guilty and icky. The worst part is, I literally was not able to workout between the early conference, then getting to the airport, then flying and getting home late. AND, I have another PT test on Tuesday, so I really shouldn't tomorrow. I may just go for a loooong walk tomorrow.

Breakfast: Special K, some breakfast potatoes (not much), and a tiny bit of scrambled egg; skim milk, OJ, coffee.
Snack: nothing. Coffee.
Lunch: "Z-Tejas" restaurant: chips and salsa, crab cheese dip, chorizo-stuffed pork tenderloin, zucchini, small piece of cornbread. I told you.. awful.
Snack: Nothing.
Dinner: Nothing.
After getting off the plane: about 1.5 cups of healthy (Michelle-made) turkey stroganoff. Didn't need the pasta though... UGH!

So, today was not good. I honestly feel icky. My tummy doesn't like me, I feel like I undid everything (which I know I didn't... the small anorexic tendencies are flaring inside me), and I feel guilty. I don't mind the little guilty feeling, but I hate some of the thoughts I have about how to "make it right." I'm just going to push past them; tomorrow's a new day.


Saturday, May 1, 2010

Being out of town does NOT mean forget my plan....

I have again skipped posting everyday. UGH! Anyway, I'm in Salt Lake City for an Army Family Programs Conference, and I've been keeping on track with the diet. Though, I haven't yet worked out. It's far too late today; 12:15am. So, I'll be doing a workout tomorrow. I want to hit the treadmill. Cardio is my focus, though muscle building is something I'd like to start working harder. I'm very sore from my crazy WOD the other day, but it hasn't turned into the unbearable kind; almost, but not quite. Which shows progress, I believe. My body is accepting the shock! By the way, Salt Lake City is the creepiest place I've ever been to - even Murr and Davila (my comrades) agree. Creepy.

Breakfast: breakfast taco - 2oz brisket, scrambled egg, flour tortilla, salsa verde; banana, diet coke (I was in an airport, and they didn't have coffee at 4am).
Snack: Nothing. Bad.
Lunch: "Brazilian fast food" - small pieces of fire grilled chicken, beef tenderloin, and duck, white rice, black beans, cabbage salad (cabbage, red peppers, tomatoes, vinaigrette), small bread roll, diet Brazilian soda.
Snack: slept through snack time. Bad?
Dinner: grilled spearhead (salmon), boiled potato, spinach salad w/cucmbers and Caesar dressing, a few bites of clam chowder (not so healthy...), water, and a little Irish Coffee.
H20 intake: 40oz. I've been pretty good, for me...
Workout: we did a lot of walking today. At least 3 miles. But, it wasn't strenuous, so I feel icky. I want to do a hard workout, and I'll feel better. Tomorrow. No excuses.