Ok, so I had a friend over last night and yesterday for whatever reason, even though I still made relatively healthy choices, I sort of just ignored the portion thing and the fact that eating popcorn at 11pm while watching a movie isn't a good idea. I have to be honest... I'm a little discouraged. It started this morning... I stepped on the scale (yes, I know it isn't Monday yet... but actually, I've been stepping on it everyday...) and today my weight had spiked to 182. I don't know how in the hell I gained just over 2 pounds, but WTF. I have been a little down all day. Actually, at first I told myself not to pay any attention to it, and I went about my day like normal. I made Jenna and me a healthy breakfast (I'll 1/2 it to document what I personally ate)...
Breakfast: 1 serving of turkey breakfast sausage, browned, with onion and tomato and about 3-4 egg whites (I say "about" because my egg whites come from that egg-white carton). Coffee.
But... well, then we walked around S. Congress, looked at some of the shops, etc. Today, I'm struggling to even walk normal which actually began to irritate me a little. It began to feel embarrassing and hindering. I wanted to actually walk, but I couldn't very well, and any incline or decline sent my thighs screaming. We finally called it quits and began looking for somewhere to eat. We were going to go to Annie's downtown and get salad and soup, but after 20 min of trying to find somewhere to park, we gave up. We headed to the triangle and ended up at Mandola's. See, a couple weeks ago, I turned Steve down for a night at Mandola's, because I didn't think I would find anything healthy. Well, I figured, Jenna wanted to try it and maybe this could be a practice-round for me to find SOMETHING healthy on an Italian menu. After combating every natural instinct I had to order the most disgustingly tasty thing on the menu, I decided on simple spaghetti w/grilled chicken. I even asked them not to add the "touch" of cream to it (but they couldn't honor that...). I was pretty proud of myself for the ultimately smartest choice. Anyway, our food comes and it's not, what I thought, spaghetti was.
Lunch: In fact, is was spaghetti NOODLES, with grilled chicken (so far, ok), with egg sauce? WTF?, and prosciutto,, and scallions. Wow. It was too tasty to be very healthy; plus it seemed creamy... which I know isn't ever good. So, I decided to eat half and bring it home to Steve. I was a little discouraged that, what I thought was a sound decision, sort of didn't work out. But, I then ate 1.5 rosemary focaccia bread squares with some olive oil. Why? I don't know. I felt sort of like... so discouraged that I didn't care. I'm glad I halved the meal, but the bread and oil? WTF. I'm so upset at myself. And furthermore, I'm too damn sore to even execute any kind of exercise.
Steve and I are supposed to go on a date tonight; it's been a while since we did. So, in a little bit we're going to Perla's on S. Congress for seafood. I will eat healthy. I swear it. I have to. I'm just so down about my efforts. I know I should focus on the physical improvement... but I find myself honing-in on the weight. I was reading in my Oxygen magazine that some trainers suggest "getting rid" of the scale for a while. I don't know. I feel like... how can I know if I'm working toward a healthy weight? Yes, I can do measurements... but ugh! What about the weight? Maybe I can ask Steve to support me by hiding the scale, and every 2 weeks un-hiding it for me? I feel like I just can't risk this "slave-to-the-scale" BS anymore, which only discourages me. Also, this begs the question... why am I not really losing weight? It's been almost a month. I would think that I should be doing better than 2 net lbs. Then again... It's not Monday yet... But, I've never lost this slowly. Ever. When I was doing Weight Watchers late last year, I dropped quicker. Then again, I was not working out at all... Ugh. I'm just pissed off right now. I think I need to read my Zone Diet book, like Cpt. C suggested.
Anyway... signing off.