...my pursuit of a better me...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


It's interesting--almost every time I've posted on here in the past year has been to say "wow, I haven't posted on here in a while."

I feel like I've been going through a Season of Change for the past 15 months. Steve left me more than a year ago, we got back together last winter... he emotionally bailed again on this past Spring... I've just been on a roller coaster and I've been forced to learn how to stand up for what I deserve and desire. It's really been something.

Anyway, I'm at this crossroads again--looking at that woman in the mirror and not seeing her for what I feel like inside. I want to match. I want my insides and outsides to match, if that makes sense. I simply haven't taken care of me physically with as much zeal as I've had for my heart. Somewhere along the way, between bracing for whatever it was coming to me that I was sensing with Steve, him leaving, coming back, leaving, coming back... I just didn't have the energy or the heart to take care of my body. I miss being proud of my legs and tummy... I deserve to be again.

The past couple months, I've been picking myself back up again and steadying myself... I think I'm ready to hit the trails again. I've hired a personal trainer. I'm ready.


Sunday, April 10, 2011

Clean eating...

It's amazing how connected we are to food... Check out this site, she's quite a lady promoting a personal reason she's chosen to Eat Clean!


Thursday, March 31, 2011


I'm not sure why I have a hard time keeping up with this blog. Probably because my organizational weakness + my tendency not to take care of me = neglecting this sight.

I haven't yet taken measurements, and it's because I'm currently experiencing overwhelming changes in thought about "dieting." I don't want to feed my anorexia monster by allowing her the opportunity to obsess. So, I'm holding off on the measurements for the time being--because I obsess over numbers (like weight). I've committed to Steven not to step on the scale any more that once a week, and the verbal commitment has helped thwart off obsessive behaviors of mine.

I'm currently (slowly) reading Intuitive Eating, and proceeding with caution. This book debunks every approach to being healthy I've ever taken and it's testing my commander compulsions... which I think might be good for me.

One choice I made recently was to create a forum (on FB), where I can channel my "love of food" and journey toward health. The page is called Heart Food--which means food healthy for my heart, physically and emotionally. I've finally acknowledged that my relationship with food has been unhealthy for way too long, and this re-channeling of enery, and helping others while I help myself, will be therapeutic for me. :)